Last night at about 3am I suddenly heard banging on our front door. Raleigh hesitated for about half a second, presumably to assure himself that it wasn't just a dream, and started his furious WHY YOU AT MY DOOR I WILL GET YOU AWAY FROM MY DOOR OR LICK YOUR PANTS ONE OR THE OTHER hound bark, the one that sometimes happens in the middle of the night and I tell him to please yell at the air molecules more quietly in the future, except that this time it was 3 in the morning and there was some persistent pounding on our door going on.
The banging stopped and I went to Elise's room, where she told me that there had been someone honking and yelling for half an hour and she didn't realize the yelling was directed at our house, but then there was the banging on the door. I looked from the side of her curtain at the black SUV double parked in front of our house and to my horror saw the driver notice me and get out of the car and start waving furiously. My Oh Shit moment included "We don't have any lights on how can she see in the window" accompanied by "There are too many fucking windows downstairs for me to go down there because last I checked glass doesn't stop bullets and what if this woman thinks her husband is banging some 19 year old hottie in this house and that's why she's here and she has a gun or what if she's got someone else with her and NO WAY am I opening the door at 3am." Elise and I agreed we should call the cops, just so they would send a cruiser by, and as she was on the phone with our precinct a cruiser came by, paused next to the car, and then they both pulled forward out of site. We couldn't tell from our angle if the cop was still there or if it had just told the lady to stop double parking and then cruised on.
Then the banging started again, this time on the door and also the metal knocker. BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG pause BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG and meanwhile Raleigh going WHY ARE YOU STILL AT MY DOOR GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY DOOR OR GIVE ME SOME PUPPERONIS BUT STOP IT WITH THE RACKET I WAS ASLEEP WHY ARE YOU STILL BANGING. I said to Elise that there was no way I was answering the door and we should call 911. She asked if I wanted to or if she should but I already had the phone in my hand and was saying "There is someone pounding on our door and there's been someone honking and yelling for half an hour and I am not going to answer the door at 3:20am because I don't know who it is please can you send someone." Then we noticed that there was a cop, maybe two cops (realized later it was a cop standing next to the lady from the car) in front of our house so Elise and I agreed that with a cop right there probably no one was going to shoot us and we should maybe open the door because the BANGING and the HOUNDBARKING wasn't going to stop unless we answered the door.
We went down, the two of us -- Raleigh already at the door -- and I yelled "Who is it?" "The police!" was the answer I got. I hollered that we hadn't opened the door because we didn't know who it was and I was going to put my dog on a leash so he wouldn't run out the door, and Raleigh was all "Oh, a walk? Cool!" So we opened the door to the cop who started asking us about the woman's son, which I guess is why she was honking and yelling and banging, she was looking for her son, and the cop was asking us about some guy named Mike, and asking us for our IDs, and the whole time Elise and I were standing there wide eyed and shaking explaining that there wasn't a man in the house unless he snuck in, no one named Mike lived here, we don't know where that woman's son is, and the woman was saying something about Oh, he must have gone to some other place. She piped up from the sidewalk that someone had been peeping from behind the curtain and Elise said, yeah, that was us! because someone had been honking and yelling and totally freaking us out and no way were we going to go downstairs with that going on. The cop said something about a call for help from one of the houses, and we said "That was us! Someone was banging on our door at 3:20am and we didn't know who it was!" The cop at the door turned to his partner on the sidewalk and said, "This is fucking ridiculous." He turned back to us and told us he was sorry for bothering us, that we could go back to bed now.
So we'll be getting a chain for the front door today. And I'll probably not yell at Raleigh for barking at air molecules in the middle of the night for a while.
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